


Would you be so kind (as to fall in love with me)

by Skog



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Developing Friendships, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman Friendship, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Eventual Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Gen, How Do I Tag, I just want them to be happy, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Tries, M/M, friends family to friends to lovers?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24494812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skog/pseuds/Skog
Summary: “I didn’t fall.”“Come again?”“I didn’t fall off the tree. I- I let go.”There is a silence. Evan holds his breath. This is it. This is the first time he actually says out loud those words.“Man, and you didn’t think about doing a flip?”Yeah. What was he expecting?[ Or the one where Evan needs someone to speak to. Unfortunately, he only has Jared. But maybe it's not entirely a bad thing. ]
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 17
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people. This is me, the idiot obsesses with Dear Evan Hansen who FINALLY read the book (i wanted for WEEKS to have it in my hands) and now I'm emotional over my sons. 
> 
> This is a stupid idea, trying to just develop Jared and Evan relationship because I think they have a lot of potentials (so does Connor MY GAY BABY GHOST) (who, sadly, is still dead here. yep. sorry. I don't like it either. My next fanfic will be about him I swear 'cause he deserves). I'm kinda afraid about writing Jared, because he is a complex one, and like, is making him nicer is OOC? I dunno. I don't think he is mean. He is just lost and alone like Evan in a way, but deals with it in a very different way. 
> 
> Anyway. Enough chat, I let you read it (still not a native english speaker so it's messy). I hope you'll like it.
> 
> [Title is from the song Would you be so kind by Dodie Clark]

They are in Jared’s car when it happens. 

Jared pulled over and now he is waiting for him to get out so he can go home and probably talk to his “girlfriend”. Evan doubts she is real to be honest, like approximately anything Jared has ever told him, but he is in no place to call him out about it. 

Still, Evan is not moving. Jared looks genuinely annoyed by this, but he also looks like he is waiting for the other one to just, say something. Evan wants to say “thanks for the ride” or maybe something a bit more risky like “hey wanna hang out sometimes for like, something else than writing false emails?” 

Instead, he says this: 

“I didn’t fall.”

“Come again?” 

“I didn’t fall off the tree. I- I let go.”

There is a silence. Evan holds his breath. This is it. This is the first time he actually says out loud those words. They are heavy, they held him down for so long, dragging him to the bottom of an ocean of loneliness because he could not say it, to anyone. Not to his mom (what would she say?). Not to his father (too busy anyway, with the baby and his life, too busy for his other son). No friends. He had no one.

And yet Evan is here now, sitting next to no one but Jared Kleinman. And _fuck_. Did he really just confess his suicidal attempt to Jared?

“Man, and you didn’t think about doing a flip?” 

Yeah. What was he expecting?

Yes, he just told Jared, who is, to the surprise of no one, an asshole about it, and that was definitely the stupidest idea ever.

Evan blinks. He opens his mouth, tries to think about something to answer to _that_. But he can’t. He has literally no idea what to say. His hands are sweaty. Oh god, they are so sweaty. 

“I -” 

He guesses that it’s not even mean. It’s just so casual and so not-concerned like Jared could have literally said anything, call him a freak, a crazy kid, a depressed cunt - Evan is kind of all of those things. He could have called him a liar. What did Evan do lately apart from lying? About Connor, their friendship, everything. He is lying to his mom, to the Murphy’s, to the whole school and now there is the Connor Project and his filthy lies are just getting too much. 

It’s probably the reason why Evan just needed to tell someone a truth, just one, for once. The most important one, the very reason why he just wrapped himself into this fake friendship he had just made up about Connor and him. Because really, the more Evan is telling the story, the more he wants it to be _real_. He wants this bond so bad. But it’s a lie. Nobody knows, but it’s all false. 

Only one person knows. Jared. 

Probably also the reason why, from all people, Evan chose to confess to him. Jared already knows he is fucked up enough to just go around and lie about his friendship with a dead kid so - yeah. Kind of a fucked up situation. 

Evan should have said nothing. He feels so stupid. He is the worst person ever and now Jared knows that he tried to kill himself and he also knows he is a liar, oh God he could just go and mock him forever and tell everyone and- 

“ -van… Evan !” Jared is calling him, for what seems to be a solid one or two minutes. Evan blinks again. Jared looks at him, still waving a hand at his face. “God, you were doing it again. This is so messed up. You really need to stop freezing like that. Imaging turning like a stone for your first time with Zoe, just when you’re about to go in?”

Evan finally let out a sigh and pushes Jared’s hand away. “Why do you have to be like that?”

“This is part of my natural charm.”

There is a smirk on his face, who is not particularly friendly and looks more like he is just amused by himself. Evan feels tired. “Why am I even talking to you?”

“Again, my charm. But yeah, I wish you wouldn’t.”

Evan frowns a bit. Maybe Jared thinks he is a smart guy, but he is not, he is just an asshole. Evan swears to never open his heart to anyone ever again. Especially Jared Kleinman. 

“I better go home. It was a mistake talking to you.” He says, already moving to open the door. 

“Evan.”

Evan turns to Jared. Something in his voice, in the way he says his name, something is different. Jared looks at him, his “I’m better and funnier and sexier than you” smile faded. He is all serious, not bored nor amused and that is something new because Jared is always messing around or complaining that he wants to leave.

“What ?”

“Next time, please don’t choose to climb a tree. This is really the stupidest way ever to die. Even Connor did better than that.”

“You really are the worst.”

He wants to punch him in the face. Evan is not a violent person by definition, he is as far away as you can be from being someone who wants to throw a fight, but right now he wants to yell at Jared and tell him to go fuck around, or something mean like that - he is not good at insulting people either. And he wants to punch him. 

“Evan?”

“What, for God’s sake?!” he raised his voice. He didn’t mean to. Evan wants to apologize at first, a reflex really, but then he remembers that he is speaking to Jared, and Jared is an asshole, so he won’t apologize. Screw you Jared.

Before knowing it, Evan is pulled into a thigh hug. 

Ok.

What. The. Fuck.

Jared is hugging him. Jared fucking Kleinman is hugging him right now. 

As fast as it happened, Jared is already pushing him away. It didn’t last more than a couple of seconds, really. Evan does not know what to say. It’s maybe the first time Jared hugged him or even touched him for something more than a fist bump - Jared was all about fist bumping when they were around eleven years old and he was trying to have Evan doing it with him every time they met for dinner at Jared’s house. 

Evan is still not talking. Jared doesn’t even look embarrassed or something, even if he is the one who is always reminding out loud that he is not into guys whenever they are having lunch together or going to the gym to do the emails. He looks like nothing happened at all. Evan is starting to wonder if he hallucinated it because of the lack of medication.

Finally looking annoyed, Jared broke the awkward silence.

“Get out of my car now.”

Evan blinks. “Oh. Yes of course.”

Like an automat, he opens the door and gets out. Before he could close it behind him, Jared calls him one last time. Evan almost jumps out of surprise. He feels... actually, he has no idea how he feels, it’s like his body is working but his brain is blocked. Like this time, during the Daisy Buchanan’s speech.

“Don’t die. I need this car insurance. Also, you still own me twenty bucks. Say hi to your hot mom for me.” 

And with that, Jared leans forward to close the passenger's door himself and drives away immediately after. Evan is still standing right where he left him, still not sure what just happened. 

Did Jared just call his mom “hot”?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jared, no.”
> 
> “Jared, yes. Let’s move.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing with my timeline. What is a timeline anyway?
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it!

To the surprise of no one, his mother is not here when Evan comes home. She left a note, as usual. _Make me proud by eating this frozen pizza who awaits you!_ Yeah. Sure thing mom. The fact is, Evan is not sure he can eat right now. He still needs to process what just happened. So he just goes to his room. 

Evan checks his phone to see if Jared sent him a message, but no. Should he send one? To say what anyway? “Hello, thanks for dropping me home and for hugging me but also, screw you for being an arse when I talked to you”? Yeah, no. Evan is definitely not going to do that. What was that about? First Jared mocks him, then he holds him? None of this makes sense and Evan is just tired. 

He is supposed to go to the Murphys’ home tomorrow night. And before that, Alana wants him to help her with some things about the Connor Project, she said she has new ideas and stuff she wants him to look at — even if it’s more like a formality because Alana already knows what she wants to do and Evan just needs to nod in approval and read the script. 

There is also Zoe. Zoe whos is his _girlfriend_ , but Evan can not talk to her. About anything, except maybe all the lies he says about his dead brother and how great friends they were. Recently, Zoe started to ask more questions. Personal ones. About his family, if he told his father about her, when will she meet his mother, stuff like that. Evan always finds a way to avoid the subject, but it is getting complicated. He is going to have to find something, to think about how keeping this part of his life (the Murphys) away from the other one (his mother).

And really, Evan does not want to do any of those things. Which is weird, because recently he was just very happy to spend his evenings with Zoe and her parents — it is so much better than to be alone in his kitchen, with nothing but the sound of the television and some leftovers to eat. He would never skip an opportunity to see Zoe. But right now, Evan does not want to see anyone.

He is always feeling like he is balancing between his happiness of being _seen_ , being acknowledged by the others — he never felt like this before. But also, everything is built on the thin ice of his lies and a part of him, deep down, wishes for all of this to just fall apart and _free him_. 

Evan is not stupid. He _knows_ that at some point, he will have to confront the truth. 

At this moment, Evan also realizes that he did it tonight. Well, even if it’s not the Connor truth, it is still something, right? He looks at his phone. Still no messages. Should he send something to Jared? 

He starts tipping. 

**Hey|**

Evan shakes his head and erases it. 

**Fuck y|**

No, that is just mean he can’t write that — even if he knows that Jared would not hesitate to do it if their roles were reversed. 

**Thanks for toni|**

He erases again. Thanks for what? 

Well, to be honest, he is thankful. A little. About the hug. Evan lays on his bed, his phone still in his hand. He plays the scene in his head again. 

It didn’t last long, really. Maybe fifteen, twenty seconds? Maybe less. He is not sure. It was really brief but at the same time, it was as if the time had frozen. Nothing else existed. It was only Jared and him. It was warm, too.

This sounds weird, even for him, Evan realizes. 

But in a way, this hug was so much more intense than that moment, when he tried to kiss Zoe. In Connor’s room. Yeah, stupid move here. Or bold one, like Jared said. He seemed a little impressed when Evan told him about that. It’s weird if you think about it, how Jared just became his new confidant. He is not even a good one. 

Evan is so lost right now. He looks at his phone. No new message. 

Evan decides to do the only thing that will not require to think nor to lie: he goes to sleep. 

* * *

Evan avoids Zoe the next day at school. He does not do it on purpose, not really. He just does not feel in a stable mood to just, be the good boyfriend he is pretending to be. But finally, it is lunchtime and he does not know how to escape the confrontation unless he just doesn’t eat. He will text her later, especially since he has to go to her house for dinner.

He is standing there in the corridor, unsure about what to do when something — _someone_ hits his shoulder. Evan yelps softly out of surprise and there is a sigh behind him. 

“What is wrong with you, don’t just stand there like a lost puppy.” Jared. Evan feels almost relieved to see him. _Almost_. 

Then he remembers the hug and again, he does not know what to say. It is not like he tried to text him all evening and was waiting for him to do it as well. Jared, on the other hand, looks like nothing happened the night before. If Evan tries to bring this up, he will probably deny it. At this point, Evan almost feels like he is insane.

“Hello,” he says, instead of something like “why the hell did you hug me are we friends please tell me we are friends I need you I need someone I’m tired.” 

(He will definitely never say something like that to Jared.) 

“Yeah yeah. Do you have any intention to move and finally letting me have my lunch in peace?”

“Oh uh- Go ahead,” says Evan while moving aside.

Jared walks past him, but he eventually stops and turns around when he notices that Evan is still not moving. He raises an eyebrow at him: 

“What’s the matter, you don’t want to enjoy your precious Zoe’s company?”

Evan feels like he is going to be sick. He clunches his fist without noticing, he is nervous. He feels a bit like the old Evan, the one he was before, when he was unnoticed by the others. He hates this Evan, but he also misses him. Old Evan’s problems were not as huge as his. 

“Not today, I think I’ll just go.” 

He gestures. He doesn’t know what to do with his arms so he crosses them, before letting them dangle along his body. Jared looks at him. More like studies him, actually. 

“You, my dear fellow, need to chill.”

Evan chuckles, unamused. “No shit.” 

Jared seems to be thinking. Finally, he says: “Let’s get the hell out of this.”

“What?”

“We are skipping school.”

Evan blinks in confusion. What is Jared saying now? 

“We can’t skip school we _are_ at school. I don’t skip school. Neither do you.” 

“Then it’s a break-out. C’mon, don’t be a dick about it.” 

“Jared, no.”

“Jared, yes. Let’s move.” 

Evan hesitates. He glances at the refectory. Zoe is probably waiting for him. She texted him earlier, but he did not respond. Jared impatiently looks at him. Evan really has no idea why Jared is offering him to just — leave school together. But he recognizes the look in his eyes and knows that he must make his decision quickly because Jared is about to move, with or without him. And he will probably not ask him again if Evan declines. 

“If my mom finds out, she will be _pissed_.” 

“Just tell her you tried to die, that should be enough for her leaving you alone for the rest of the year.”

Evan almost jumps at the mention of it and looks around them to be sure no one herd that. Then, he gives a dark glance at Jared and whispers a “Jerk” that the other one hears because he grins proudly. Yeah, one nice offering must come with a mean comment, or it is not Jared. 

Still, Evan makes his decision. 

He follows Jared, without noticing that his hands are not shaking anymore.

Just his heart beating faster.

Evan never was a _bad_ student. Not the best either, just the average one. He would not skip class often, well unless a very stressful event coming — plus, having a mom who is a nurse makes it pretty difficult to pretend to be sick. 

But just running out in the middle of the day? Very unlike him. And not very like Jared either, for what he knows. Jared’s parents are nice but can be a little strict about his studies. Well, like all parents, Evan guesses. 

Still, here they are. In Jared’s car ( _again_ ), going to-

“Wait, so where are we going?” finally asks Evan, still glancing at the school’s building who fades away in the wing mirror. Jared shrugs. 

“Grabbing food. I still haven’t eaten, thanks to you.”

“Sorry.” He does have an empty stomach too. There is a silence, and then he says again: “That does not answer me.” 

“Dunno either. I just want food. And a pretty waitress with a nice view, if you know what I mean”. 

“I would rather not.” 

Jared has a grin on his face, like the proud asshole he is. Evan can not help but smiles a bit too because really, it is stupid. He turns away his head to hide it or Jared will start to think he is funny. But at least, Evan does not feel too anxious or like drowning in his problems and it is a nice change, for once. Running away was not a bad idea, after all. 

They wait at a traffic light for it to turn green again. Evan’s stomach growls.

“Hey, you remember the pizza nights? When you would come to my home for a sleepover and my mom ordered pizzas for us, while we were watching a movie?”

“Yeah, it was awful,” answers Jared without looking at him. 

Evan must admit he is a very decent driver, way better than him. Probably because Jared is not thinking of the billion ways he could die in a car while driving.

“No, it was not. I liked those nights.” 

“Fine, whatever. Pizza is still good. But no sleepover. Nor a Disney movie.”

“It is the afternoon, you can’t do a sleepover anyway.”

“Oh my God,” sighs Jared while starting the engine again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to date your aunt. That would be weird.” 
> 
> “No shit,” Jared sighs, but he has a grin and Evan is pretty sure he is thinking about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting out of my hand. But I just enjoy writing their conversation too much.  
> I hope you will like it too! Stay safe people

Evan is not really sure how they end up sitting in his living room, pizza between them, and an episode of _Drag Race_ playing on the tv. He is not complaining though. There is something weird and nostalgic about being here with Jared. This feels _almost_ normal; like he is a normal teenager, spending a day-off with his best friend and his only problem in life is to decide where to go hiking the next Sunday.

(Of course, it’s all fake. Jared is not- well he kinda _is_ his best friend, but Evan is not sure if Jared thinks of himself as one. Also, they don’t go trekking together. Evan would love too, probably. But if he is not even able to have his dad go with him, he doubts he can convince Jared.)

“This is so fucked up,” says Jared, looking at the television while waving dangerously his pizza’s piece at it. “Her make-up is wasted she looks like my aunt. And my aunt is fifty-something and she is still single.” 

“Maybe she likes it?” 

“Have you ever met Ru Paul before? Of course she doesn’t.” 

“I mean your aunt. Maybe she likes being alone and that is why she doesn’t have a boyfriend or else.” 

“Maybe you should be her boyfriend then.”

Evan frowns a little. “I don’t want to date your aunt. That would be weird.” 

“No shit,” Jared sighs, but he has a grin and Evan is pretty sure he is thinking about it. 

He decides to ignore it and focuses on eating his pizza without dropping the pineapple from it. Jared ordered alone, but Evan was surprised to see that he remembered they both like pineapple on pizza. Usually, people don’t like it and Evan knows it can be a sensitive subject, so he avoids pizza with pineapples when he orders some with Zoe.

But Jared likes it too. It is been a while since Evan enjoyed this flavor. He was a bit concerned at first, having Jared at his home again and the fact that they skipped school still bothers him a little, but other than that, it is a good afternoon. 

“I did not know you were an admirer of drag queens.” 

Jared gives him a look. “I am not an admirer, stop talking like you are my father. And it’s funny. They usually end up fighting and cat-calling themselves. Also, the legs.”

Evan does not know why legs are so important here, but he doesn’t say anything. Well, it’s Jared after all. Not everything makes sense with him. Like why he goes to the gym to look at the people there but never exercises. Or why he decided to crack a joke when Evan told him about his suicidal attempt. Or why he is here now. Some things do not make sense about Jared, but Evan is starting to be more and more okay with it. 

They finish the pizza and the episode. Evan is feeling nervous again and he keeps looking at his phone, expecting a message from high school or worse, his mother, any minute. Or worse than worse, Zoe. He cleans up the pizza box to keep his hands busy. 

“So when does your mom come home?” asks Jared without a warning. 

“Oh hu- It depends on how busy she is. But not before dinner time.” Generally, it is even later. And it is at this moment that he remembers the dinner at the Murphys. It’s tonight. Oh god, what if Zoe asks why he was not at school today, right in front of her parents, who will ask _more_ questions. What if they are disappointed in him, what if they want to talk to his mother, which is the thing Evan tries to avoid the most -

“Evan!” 

He blinks. Jared is in front of him, looking almost a bit concerned, if Evan did not know him better than that, they are in the kitchen. Jared’s hands are on his shoulder, shaking him slowly. They are warm and greasy because of pizza oil. Evan looks up at him.

“Oh. I did it again, didn’t I? Sorry.”

“Yeah, creepy boy. What was it for this time?”

Evan is about to say “nothing” or another lie or “sorry” again because it is easier like this. Instead, he says: “I’m supposed to go to Zoe’s house tonight and I think I don’t want to.” 

Jared looks at him like he just hit his head. “You don’t want to go to your girlfriend’s house? Because?”

“I don’t know. I think- I just don’t want Zoe or her parents to ask me questions. I’m- tired of questions.”

“Did you have a revelation watching the show? If you decide to do the Race, I can help you my cousin have a coworker who goes to this bar and-” 

“What? No, I don’t want to become a drag queen.” 

Jared scoffs and Evan thinks “ _prick”_ once again, but in a nice way, if it is something possible. He breathes more softly and his hands do not shake, which is a good sign.

“Okay. Well then, just don’t go.” Jared eventually says.

“I can’t just do that.”

“Text Zoe you are not feeling well. That you have your periods or something.”

“I’m not a girl.”

Jared puts a hand on his chest, pretending to look offended. “Boys can bleed too.” 

Evan decides to ignore him. “Besides, it would be a lie.”

This time, the grin on Jared’s face is not very nice. “Not your first or your worst. Should I remember you about the dead brother? Your best friend?”

Evan looks like Jared just punched him in the face, but he cannot really argue against that nor insult Jared because, for once, Jared is right. If Evan is pretty good at something, it is lying.

“Fine. I’ll just text her that my stomach hurts.” Which is not totally a lie, he is feeling sick just thinking about this situation. This is messed up. Not like it was not a mess from the beginning. 

Evan takes his phone, writes a text with too many “I’m sorry” in it, and puts it down immediately after, hoping that Zoe will not call him. He almost wants to run away from his own house.

“So. Now, what?” Jared suddenly asks, losing him for a second. Evan looks at him, confused.

“What?” 

“You are a free man tonight my good dude. You can do whatever you want. Even going to a sex-club. Oh no wait, you cannot. They will never believe you are an adult.”

“I’m not. I’m 17. And so are you.”

Jared shakes his head, looking like a disappointed Obi-Wan. Which probably makes Evan Anakin. “Yeah but the point is for them to _believe_ you are more. That is why I have a fake-ID.” 

“Do you even use it?”

“No. But I can if I want to.” 

Evan is almost certain that the fake ID was made by Jared’s cousin so he sincerely doubts that it will ever work but he does not point it out loud. 

“Well, in any case, I am not going to a sex-club.” 

“This is why you don’t have friends.”

Evan answers without thinking. “I have you.” 

“ _Urgh_.” Jared looks profoundly disgusted, but he does not correct Evan, so it probably means it is true. Evan smiles, feeling a little better. He does have a friend.

And maybe because Jared is his friend, no matter what he would say - or rather, not say sometimes - or maybe because he is still here and they literally spent the afternoon together, just for the sake of hanging out, without mails to write or lies to think about; maybe also, because Evan does not always think before talking, he just asks, casually: 

“Hey. Do you want to go trekking with me next Sunday?”

There is a moment of silence. Jared stares at him, deadly. “No.”

“Oh c’mon. Please.”

Jared scoffs. “What makes you think I would do that?”

Evan is not sure. He may have the answer.

(Something like “I think you like me too but you will never admit it. And I think you are as lonely as me that is why you like staying with me. Also, I think you are afraid I would try to kill myself again.”) 

He will never say that. But he thinks a part of it is true.

“Because if we do something I like, I can do something you like too.”

Jared sighs, loudly. Evan can’t help but smiling when he answers: 

“Fine. We do your thing. Even if it’s the most stupid thing to do ever. Nobody under forty years old does that by the way.” 

“That is not a true statistic,” Evan says, maybe a bit offended. 

“It is. I’m the source. And after that stupid walk of you, we will go to my place and steal my father’s whiskey to get drunk.”

Evan is not sure if it’s a good idea, but he just smiles and nods. His hands are not shaking anymore and he does not think about Zoe, Connor, or the rest. He is just excited for Sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My gf said she wished to have Jared's confidence about his source. I agree.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This is the Tree.”
> 
> “Yes. This is a forest. Forest is composed of trees.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup folk, it's been a while I know sorry about that I was doing camp nano in July and also went a bite in vacations. Anyways, enough about me, hope you'll like the new chapter! I think I will do one more and then maybe a time skip because this fic is getting way too long compared to what I had in mind first lmao

The skipping school afternoon had consequences, of course. His mother got a call from school and she confronted Evan about it when she returned home. Evan somehow managed to explain to her that he was not feeling good and that Jared had had the kindness to drive him home to get some rest. His mother seemed suspicious and probably did not entirely believe him, but in the end, it was okay. 

“I’m glad you are friend with Jared again,” said his mom the next day during breakfast, “but boy, if you two start acting like rebellious teens who don’t believe in the necessity of education, I’ll have to give you a talk.” 

“Mom it’s not like that don’t worry. We are just hanging out,” Evan had answered. He tasted the word in his ears.  _ Friends _ . It was nice to hear it from his mother. Jared and I are friends, he thought. He did not state it out loud but he was pretty sure they acted like friends did. More or less. 

“Did you start the writing assignments for university by the way?” And just like that the subject changed and his mother realized she was late for work and just ran off, leaving him to finish his cereals alone. 

The rest of the week was - weird. Evan was spending time with Zoe again, feeling better about it as long as he did no think too much about their situation. She asked him if he was still sick and he said no and they just moved to the next subject. Just like with his mother. Evan had lunch with Zoe and her friends the next day at school. He tried to find Jared, but he did not see him.

He worked with Alana about some stuff for the Connor Project during the week too. Evan was hoping they would slow down the thing now, but Alana had new ideas almost every time they spoke together. The new one was about the orchard and raising money to restore it. Evan thought that it was a good idea, he just didn’t think he should keep doing it.

He did not speak a lot with Jared at school, mostly because they were not in the same classes. But Evan could see some changes in their relationship. They texted more, and not only about the Connor thing. Actually, they barely talked about it lately, which was a relief. Evan felt like all he had been doing for the last month was talking about Connor - and lying, mostly. Now, Jared would just send him a lot of  _ memes _ about Drag Race or he would just talk to him about something his cousins said or did. 

Evan thought the  _ memes _ were funny. Sometimes he texted Jared a fact about trees or nature he just learned and Jared would immediately respond something like “one day Evan you will text me about something interesting and real, like parties or cars, and I will know my job here is done” which was a weird thing to say but Evan was used to it by now.

The week ended quickly and now it is Sunday and they are in the park. 

“This is the worst.” 

“You said that already.”

“Then I shall say it once more: this is the worst.” 

Evan rolls his eyes. Even if Jared is still complaining about literally everything, he did show up at Evan’s door in time and they are currently walking along a path Evan used to take a lot last summer when he was a ranger apprentice. It feels weird but nice to be here again.

Evan has not returned to the park since his accident, or at least, not on the roads around the Tree - yes, with a capital T. But being here again feels good - especially since he is not alone. Jared is loud, because he keeps complaining, and therefore he makes a good distraction for Evan’s dark thoughts. They are like tiny spiders in his mind, who are scattered all over and try to hide away from noisy, brazenness Jared.

Evan feels good. The shady mood of Jared does not even affect him anymore. 

“Hey did you know that the different parts of a tree grow at different times?” Jared sighs loudly but Evan keeps going anyway. “For example, the foliage growth happens in the spring, then the trunk growth during summer and -”

“And root growth in the fall and winter. Jesus Evan, we are already surrounded by trees,  _ why _ do you need to talk about them? Who needs so much knowledge about plants anyway.”

But Evan is smiling, looking delighted. “You did read the article I sent you yesterday!”

“Better read that than doing homework, even if I regret it already.”

No matter how hard Jared is trying to pretend that he has never felt more bored than today, Evan knows better about his friend. Jared cares more than he pretends. And if he wants to pretend he does not, then fine, Evan is pretending he does not know the truth then.

Suddenly, Evan stops. 

“Oh.” 

“What?” asks Jared, a little out of breath because he is not used to walking for so long. Also, he doesn’t have a nice pair of shoes for that and wears his sneakers, which is probably not the best idea. 

Evan doesn’t look at him, his gaze fixed on a point before them. He can almost feel a lump in his throat and does his best to swallow back.

“It’s Him.”

“Him?”

Jared looks ahead. There is a tree in front of them. One of the biggest around. Tall and majestic, like a century-old tree should be. Everything is quiet, except for the sow breeze blowing in the branches and the sound of birds chirping and flying away.

Evan can not move nor turns his eyes away, almost paralyzed. He remembers everything. The climbing, with his mind blank, like he was under a spell urging him to climb. The view at the top, breathtaking. The strange thought in his mind.  _ When you are falling in the forest and there is nobody around, do you ever really crash, or even make a sound _

And then, his hand letting go. His body, falling. God the fall was so long and so quick at the same time. And then the crash, and the pain, so much pain. And nobody came. Evan was just laying there, waiting. But nobody came to pick him. If he had died, how long would it have taken to find his body?

“-van. Evan. I’m starting to question the purity of your interest in this tree so will you  _ please _ , snap out of whatever this is.” 

Evan turns his head, slowly. His gaze meets Jared’s eyes. He looks at him, partly annoyed as usual, but also almost worried? Evan tries to speak, his mouth dries, looking back at the tree again. He tries to remember which branch he was on when he did it, but he is not sure.

“This is the Tree.”

“Yes. This is a forest. Forest is composed of trees.”

“No, I mean-” 

“I know.”

Evan blinks and looks back at Jared. He is deadly serious now. They don’t say anything, Jared does not even make a silly joke. Instead, he just stays next to Evan. Their arms brush a little against each other’s but neither of them acknowledges it. Evan’s heartbeat calms itself, slowly. He is okay. He is alive, he has a friend - a girlfriend even, but Zoe is far away from his current thoughts.

“Do you regret it?” Jared asks suddenly. Evan is not sure he understands the question. 

“To have let go?”

“No. To have failed and to be alive.” 

Of course, only Jared would ask something like that. The first reflex of Evan is to call him a jerk, but he holds back, thinking about the question. Does he? At some point, yeah. Probably because his arm hurt like hell. 

But then, when he saw his mother running to him when she finally had the news, he felt so ashamed of what he tried to do. He could not tell her, not when she was looking at him like that. So Evan had made up a lie, the very first one of all this mess. Until it was too much and he broke in parts in Jared’s car. 

“No. Not anymore.”

“Good because going to your funeral would be embarrassing as fuck since this would just be your mom, my parents, and me. Oh, and your girl.”

“Why do you have to ruin every moment we are trying to have?”

Jared chuckles like a hyena. “Because I enjoy this way too much.”

“I tried _ to kill myself _ .” Oh, that is the first time he actually says this word out loud. But there is nobody around except them, so it does not matter. It almost feels good to say it in fact.

“But you are not dead. And you even manages to drag me into trekking.”

Evan hums, a little amused. His shoulder bumps against Jared’s and he blushes. To his surprise, Jared does not say a thing. Instead, he takes a knife out of his pocket. A kitchen knife. Evan blinks at him. 

“Oh my god, why do you have this?”

Jared shrugs. “What, youtube tutorials said you need a knife if you are lost in nature. Also, bears.”

“Yeah, a swiss army knife, not the one your mom used to cut chicken last night.” 

“It was beef, thank you very much.”

“Jared-” starts Evan, as he asks himself why is he so fond of this friend of him, who is so stupid sometimes. Jared puts his hand - the one who does not hold the knife - on his shoulder.

“Relax.” 

And has he says this, he walks to the tree and starts carving something on its trunk. Evan sighs, restraining the urge to tell him not to do that. If a ranger finds them they are dead. But Jared will laugh at him if he says something, so instead, Evan bumps against him to see what he is writing - and what is it with him and contact today? They never touched that much before.

“Ta-da!” Jared exclaims. 

Evan tilts to see what his friend has done. His eyes open wide. On the tree trunk, Jared had carved the following  _ Evan Hansen: 1 - Tree: 0 _

Jared looks very proud of himself, nodding his head in appreciation. “Now, when you feel those dumb feelings again, remember that you have beaten a tree, Mister Man vs Wild.” 

Evan does not know what to say. This is so stupid and yet- Yet, his heart is beating faster and he feels stupidly happy for a reason he does not understand. Jared is a very problematic friend and a complicated person, hard to understand at first, but Evan realizes now how glad he is that he told him. How much their relationship means to him. 

“Okay, we made it for the posterity, can we please go home now?” asks Jared, his hands joined.

“Sure. I said I will stay at your place after all, didn’t I? To drink this alcohol of yours.”

“Evan Hansen, this is the most beautiful thing you ever said to me.” 

Evan laughs as Jared almost runs back to the trail. He gives the tree one last look, feeling calm and even good, before joining his friend. As the sight of Jared proud and mischievous smile, his heart does this weird thing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You gay Evan, do not worry, it is normal.
> 
> Also, yes, I used this lyric from Waving Through A Window, because this is some good shit right there right here

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want to see the next chapters with these two dorks!
> 
> Also, as my girlfriend and beta said: help Evan.


End file.
